Kevin Smith, I Know You Were Writing About Me

dante

Dante is me, I am Dante. Philosophy 101.

In Clerks, Dante reminded me of well…me.  What kind of intelligent, fairly nice human being drops out of college to be near someone of the opposite sex, works at a low-paying, thankless job for way too long and whines about their existence incessantly?  Me.

Brian O’Halloran played that roll to perfection so it was a genuine thrill to shove one of my bookmarks into his YUGE hands and tell him I was a fan, while implying his life would be so much better if he read my books.  I would have loved to have snapped a selfie with him, but for the umpteenth time, I only sold five books at Alamo City Comic Con.  Not to mention my pay for the last 42 years has been lower than the ratings for Galactica 1980.  So I always have to decide between fun stuff like paying for a selfie with Brian, or eating Top Ramen.

Thanks for not tearing that bookmark up in front of me, Brian.  You’re a good sport.

Moving on to Jason Mewes.  I made an ass of myself in front of him on three separate occasions and he still signed my Jay Bobblehead, in the box, in pristine condition.  Bless his heart in a secular way; he even corrected a smudge he made with his Sharpie on the plastic part of the box.  Pardon me for a second while I Google autographed Jason Mewes memorabilia.

Okay, I’m back and motherfucker!  I still can’t retire.

Mortified Daughter, WileyBird and I stood in line quite some time to get the selfie with Jay.  MD told WileyBird that Jay is the dude to watch in about eight years.  Jay informed her he can watch Clerks: The Animated Series now because there is no cursing.  As if a ten-year old can’t rattle off the major curse words in alphabetical order.  I can’t explain the absurdity and pure joy of that moment for me.

jason-mewes-selfie

Kevin Smith, you might want to consider auditioning that kid on the left for Clerks 5.

Jay, I once saw Mikhail Baryshnikov dance, and you were even better than that.

As for you, Kevin Smith, by doing what you love you’ve improved my life if only for an hour and a half at a time.  Everyone should check out Smodcast and Comic Book Men

because-daryl-said-so

That not only wraps up Alamo City Comic Con for me, but I can now scratch another item off my bucket list.  Onward to having coffee with Christopher Moore.

Chris, you’ve been warned.

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