WILL THE BREEDERS OF THE MASTERS OF DESTRUCTION PLEASE COME TO THE BOOK DEPARTMENT AND ON THE WAY TRY TO REMEMBER THAT SEX HAS CONSEQUENCES!

Parents love to dump their small children in the toy section of a bookstore, which makes me a glorified babysitter rather than the manager.  I do get a thrill out of paging the negligent breeders to pick up their kids because it pisses them off to have their blissful alone time interrupted.  I want to scream at them, “YOU’LL GET MORE ALONE TIME THAN YOU COUNTED ON WHEN A PEDOPHILE SNATCHES YOUR POSTER CHILD FOR BIRTH CONTROL, YOU SELFISH ASSHOLES!”  Not on my watch.

These neglected kids always tear up the department.  Nothing is off limits to touch and throw on the floor.  I took this photo over a year ago and kept it because at least the child seemed to have a strong aesthetic sense.  How could I know that he was predicting the future?

Meet America and who she thinks are her new best friends.