Below is my partial application to become the latest "permanent" White House Chief of Staff for Trump. Please describe why you hope to be a part of the President's administration. The $179,700 yearly salary. I doubt the current occupant of the White House will still be there in six months, but I insist on the … Continue reading White House Chief of Staff – My Dream Job
Seriously, Melania? Please tell me you didn't spend my tax dollars on these suicidal Christmas trees. The only thing that keeps me sane during the shit show in the White House is the fact that there are some damn clever people in the world. It's not just Christmas, every day is scary with Trump in … Continue reading A Scary Christmas
I turned 63 today and decided to really celebrate for a change. Here are the things I celebrated. Taking the day off from not only work, but also politics. The Remote Control Terrorist aka the somewhat humanoid who I live with got me an out-of-print copy of one of my favorite books, Genius, by … Continue reading Celebration
My Uncle Jimmy was a soft spoken man. I once heard him call a woman who cut him off in traffic in Los Angeles a heifer and it shocked me. That was the closest I’d ever heard him come to cursing. This is the same man who was a crew member on a B-17 bomber … Continue reading Veterans Day
“I mean it, Jake. You keep a close eye on your little brother or you’ll be grounded until next Halloween." The miniature Wal-Mart Spiderman sitting on the bottom step of the staircase giggled, then clasped both small hands over his mouth as Jake snapped his head around to glare at him, then turned his attention … Continue reading A Suburban Halloween
The lean man covered in blood smiled at the busty blonde zombie. “What scares you?” The light cast by the campfire appeared to devour Jo Jo's ravaged face. She giggled. “Getting drunk and forgetting I’m wearing granny panties. You know…in case I feel the urge to remove my pants.” She winked at Lore, who sat directly across from her. He … Continue reading Family Lore
I wrote this Halloween story years ago and one of the real life characters has since died and another is not in the public eye as much. I didn't update it because Joan Rivers influenced my writing during my misspent youth and Paris Hilton is crucial to the last joke. RIP Joan. Thanks for … Continue reading That’s Entertainment!
Today is the first day of early voting in Texas for the 2018 mid-term election. I will be 63 on November 14th. I voted for: Affordable and quality health care; More funding for public schools; Slashing student debt; Protecting Social Security and Medicare; Protecting the environment; Creating jobs with wind and solar power farms; Equal … Continue reading VOTE!
One of the most appalling things about tragedies is that we’re all subject to them. The shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida devastated me. I found out about it at the beginning of my shift at a mental hospital. During the evening I kept sneaking off to a linen closet to … Continue reading If I Can’t Go to the March…
With more class than I will ever muster, LeBron James declines to "shut up and dribble" and instead executes the perfect boom shakalaka on an insignificant person. The following song parody is sung to the theme from the tv show Cheers. Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got Matters aren’t … Continue reading Where Nobody Knows Her Name