My Uncle Jimmy was a soft spoken man. I once heard him call a woman who cut him off in traffic in Los Angeles a heifer and it shocked me. That was the closest I’d ever heard him come to cursing. This is the same man who was a crew member on a B-17 bomber … Continue reading Veterans Day
“I mean it, Jake. You keep a close eye on your little brother or you’ll be grounded until next Halloween." The miniature Wal-Mart Spiderman sitting on the bottom step of the staircase giggled, then clasped both small hands over his mouth as Jake snapped his head around to glare at him, then turned his attention … Continue reading A Suburban Halloween
The lean man covered in blood smiled at the busty blonde zombie. “What scares you?” The light cast by the campfire appeared to devour Jo Jo's ravaged face. She giggled. “Getting drunk and forgetting I’m wearing granny panties. You know…in case I feel the urge to remove my pants.” She winked at Lore, who sat directly across from her. He … Continue reading Family Lore
I wrote this Halloween story years ago and one of the real life characters has since died and another is not in the public eye as much. I didn't update it because Joan Rivers influenced my writing during my misspent youth and Paris Hilton is crucial to the last joke. RIP Joan. Thanks for … Continue reading That’s Entertainment!
Today is the first day of early voting in Texas for the 2018 mid-term election. I will be 63 on November 14th. I voted for: Affordable and quality health care; More funding for public schools; Slashing student debt; Protecting Social Security and Medicare; Protecting the environment; Creating jobs with wind and solar power farms; Equal … Continue reading VOTE!
One of the most appalling things about tragedies is that we’re all subject to them. The shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida devastated me. I found out about it at the beginning of my shift at a mental hospital. During the evening I kept sneaking off to a linen closet to … Continue reading If I Can’t Go to the March…
With more class than I will ever muster, LeBron James declines to "shut up and dribble" and instead executes the perfect boom shakalaka on an insignificant person. The following song parody is sung to the theme from the tv show Cheers. Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got Matters aren’t … Continue reading Where Nobody Knows Her Name
Three days before the 2018 Women’s March and five days after Donald Trump’s shithole comments, the Remote Control Terrorist and I took our first vacation in 15 years. We headed to Ruidoso, New Mexico from the Texas Hill Country, a drive of over 500 miles. I will be writing about our little adventure, but first … Continue reading A Shithole Country Can be in Your Own Backyard
I wrote this 8 years ago and for the most part it still applies on this, the last day of 2017. New Year! New Me? Not likely. After 62 new beginnings, I'll never change. I'll never mature. Would a mature woman watch South Park every night and impersonate Eric Cartman? "No, kitty! My pot pie!" … Continue reading New Year! New Me?
Oh, please let me look at a grandmother who was a single parent who also took care of her legally blind grandmother the way Louise Linton is looking at me. Let me perfect that - fuck you and your insignificance because you have to work two jobs to pay your bills, while giving up food … Continue reading My Louise Linton Bucket List