Actually this isn’t about drugs. It’s about rock & roll. Thirty years ago, three of us with possible additions (more about that below) went to a Huey Lewis and the News concert in San Antonio, Texas. The occasion was Debby Jo’s 30th birthday.
Debby Jo and I are cousins and our good friend Red joined us on this rock & roll adventure. It had been years since I had gone to a rock concert and imagine my surprise when our bags were searched upon entering the auditorium. What the fuck is a smokeless venue? It seemed weird after all those years of coming home from concerts reeking of weed, even though we happened to be the only three women in the entire country who hadn’t done drugs in high school or college.
Personally I always had fun at concerts while straight. I saw the Doobie Brothers, Pink Floyd, Emerson, Lake & Palmer and others in that condition and it didn’t seem to do me any harm other than the stress I always felt passing strangers’ joints as quickly as possible to avoid a lifetime prison sentence.
Nowadays, I’m looking forward to Texas getting off its lame ass and legalizing weed so I can get high before going to work as the manager of a bookstore. Perhaps then I can cope with shit like a customer who is a total stranger saying to me, “My cunt of an ex-wife poisoned me and I was dead for 7 ½ minutes.”
Can I get that woman’s phone number and chew her out for not using a chain saw? What the fuck, dude? Look at me. Do you not see the sagging tits and gray hair? I’m an elderly woman! You don’t know me. Therefore, you don’t say “cunt” to me. It’s common sense.
These days I live in a platonic relationship with the Remote Control Terrorist whose electronics fetish causes me to commit auditory suicide every time he cranks up Rush on his it’s-possible-I’m-compensating-for- something speakers. Fuck surround sound and no, you’re not going to get a link to Rush music. This is MY story.
Truthfully, I don’t remember too much about the Huey Lewis concert, which is what I meant by possible additions attending. According to Red, we took along a group of guys ten years younger than ourselves. You’d think I’d remember that since I was divorced at the time, but nope. On the bright side, Debby Jo also has no recollection of such a thing which makes her just as senile as I am these days. So…yay!
Another thing I didn’t remember about the concert is that Debby Jo had delivered a baby two months prior and wore breast pads so her breasts wouldn’t leak through her blouse. Good thinking. This time around I bet she wears an adult diaper. Not me, I have no problem peeing in my pants if I get too excited during Bad is Bad. They better play it. I feel the need not for speed, but for harmonica.
There are two things I do remember about the concert; the chick seated near us apparently having screaming Huey Lewis orgasms and the roadies coming on stage during Hip To Be Square. I never wanted to be a roadie so much as when I saw those guys singing Here, there and everywhere, it’s hip, so hip to be square while doing the easiest choreography in the world. I could do that! I could quit my job and flat out fucking do that!
Debby Jo married her high school sweetheart and stuck it out way longer than I did. These days she’s cruise crazy and is likely to show up at the concert with shaved legs, wearing makeup, pearls and a push-up Victoria Secret bra.
I married a Mexican national who made me completely crazy after the first 17 hours. I’ve been divorced for 35 years and will possibly shower before the concert.
Red will look nice and be nice. Not an ounce of bitchiness in that woman; which is why she still gets along with her ex-husband and he doesn’t rate the following theme song of our ex-husbands.
Rock & Roll is all about shared life experiences. No other form of music can do that so well. Yes, I’m talking to you, Country & Western.