Below is my partial application to become the latest “permanent” White House Chief of Staff for Trump.

Please describe why you hope to be a part of the President’s administration.

The $179,700 yearly salary.  I doubt the current occupant of the White House will still be there in six months, but I insist on the entire salary.  Unlike him, I have a good lawyer who is not going to prison.  Let the negotiations begin!

Cover Letter

To the Putin-Appointed Occupant of the White House:

I hope you will consider me to be your new permanent White House Chief of Staff.  Yes, I know I’m a woman and you’re a reprehensible misogynist, but please give me a chance.  I have some excellent qualifications.  I’m old and I’m fat.  You’ll be able to focus on watching Fox News instead of grabbing my lady bits.

In fact, as your Chief of Staff, I won’t give you anything more taxing to do than making once a month calls to those other two kids of yours.  Although if they have caller ID I cannot guarantee they will pick up.

Please describe any additional qualifications.

I spent two years working with a person who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I worked 11 years in a bookstore in Texas in a town that is 75% Republican and didn’t lose my shit a single time, despite hearing racist, bigoted, misogynistic and ignorant comments multiple times on a daily basis.  So I think I can handle the nonsense that goes on in the Oval Office.

I’m white.

Resume.

NY Times Bestselling author of If I Can’t Wave Like a Princess I Must Be a Loser. 

Caveat – Being delusional seems to be a requirement to work in this White House so I thought I’d go bigly.

Confirm that you are human.  What is 1 plus 5?

Really?  Math?  Okay, I’m gonna go with 6.